this probably makes no sense to any of you, becuse it is to one person who will most likely never read it
yes, i was trying to find your journal, i was scared, and i didn't know what you were thinking. i was scared to ask you. i was losing my grip, and starting to cycle again, not that that excuses my actions, i just .... i'm sorry i lied
moving on, you worried about sara, don't, i love her, but it is different, i don't love her becuse she was my first, or becuse we were together so long, i love her becuse along time ago i was comepeatly alone. My family had tossed my out to the street like trash, i lived in my car, and stephens family took me in and treated my like one of the family, but it cost them nothing, when i had to leave there, sara fought tooth and nail with her parents so that i would have a place to live, she took me in even though it hurt her relationship with her mom, and time and time again she has fought for me, and taken me in to her house, she has never turned her back on me, that is why i love her, it isn't about lust or relationship, she has never abandoned me. that gets me to the root of what i keep screwing up. why do i act distant, or like i don't care, becuse i know that eventualy everone will leave me, and i will be alone. i don't talk about it becuse i don't want you to know that sometimes i am just a weak,scared,little kid that never quite grew up. i just realized this and one day you might read it and understand.
i love you, and one day you may know how much